Lee's Open Mic


The Real Entertainment is in the Lobby

Posted at 3:50 PM, Jul 26, 2017
and last updated 2018-08-13 16:28:27-04

The show is always in the lobby…

When you civilians or “normals” go to the comedy club you are there to watch a performer on stage.  But for us performers we often see a much more entertaining show … in the lobby.  People are amusing if you just have numbers and time.

We’ve seen arguments, make out sessions, inebriation and that’s just the shows hosted by the baptist.

What I’m about to tell you is true only the names have been changed because I can’t remember them.

Between the first and second show the lobby begins to fill with early arrivals to the 2nd performance.  Late Friday shows are notorious for having audiences that are tired from a full day of work fueled with alcohol and lack of common sense. They should listen to their body and go home and just sleep.  One of those nights a bubbly young lady with glass in her hand and a megaphone apparently in her mouth was in the lobby waiting for the 2nd show to begin.  The first show ends and the door swings open and the patrons begin to exit and intermingle with the folks waiting in the lobby.  This is when history changes.   The first patron out is a disabled gentleman in a motorized chair making his exit.

That’s when our heroine sees him and mistakes him for a long lost friend.  It’s apparent on his face he has never met this drunk woman before but that doesn’t stop her enthusiasm or momentum as she is moving towards her goal… an embrace.  Fear is hard to hide when it strikes and this gentleman has been stricken, he only knows he can’t stop her and she is oblivious to his palatable apprehension.  5ft 4ft 3ft 2ft 1… contact.

Not sure how much alcohol one has to drink before you realize jumping onto the lap of a disabled man is a bad idea but she had surpassed that threshold.  He is wide eyed but his expression only grows because as she has become one with bewildered victim she calls Bobby (his name is Daniel) her knee hits his joystick which is set for rabbit not turtle.

Like a dry fuel rocket they launch together both screaming in fear and ecstasy as they leave the surely bonds of earth.  Picking up more and more speed as his eyes the size of saucers he vocalizes for the first time to her an aaaahhhhhOOoooohhhh She screams as well pinned by G forces and peppermint schnapps.  People dive out of the way of this runaway 2 headed beast until finally they hit the drywall leaving an indelible imprint for comics to point to years after.  She flops to the floor and sheepishly says you’re not Bobby and he says … nothing.  But looks our way smiles and says thanks for the ride

No thank you sir … thank you

All true